It's like a parade of train wrecks.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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