Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize