lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
