doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize
