I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I got chris browned last night
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
this beer tastes like vomit already
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
