Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize