I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
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