I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
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