So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
