you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
