I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
