Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Randomize
