She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
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