im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Randomize
