He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I'm having to shit out rocks
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
