You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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