She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
