I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
