Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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