I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
It's official drugs can't kill me
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
