On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
