Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
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