I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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