they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
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