This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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