I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
True strength comes from lack of pants
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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