This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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