if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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