after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
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