i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Randomize
