tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
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