I puked a lego.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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