i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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