Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
