the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
love makes seman taste better
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize