you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
