we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
