I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
