You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
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