i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
