he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Randomize
