Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
