so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
