considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
All the doctor said was why
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
