You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
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