It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Nobody cheats on THIS.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
