If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
