Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize
