i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
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