this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
