I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
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