Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
