The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
