I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
