Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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