Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
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