I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
