We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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