Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
