i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Randomize
