They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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