so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
His nipple licking is glorious
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