this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
