This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
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