dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
