My cat gives me a boner
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
