I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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