just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
