too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
