We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
