Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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