just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Randomize
