All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
