When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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