This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
