I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
