I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
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