you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
