they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Randomize
