Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Randomize