Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
