you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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