I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
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