I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
