Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize