We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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