somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
and she was petting her beer can
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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