i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
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