i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
