is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
