Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Randomize
