just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize