Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
