Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
