Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
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