dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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