This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Randomize
