Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
