just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
